Certain Standards
by Always My Thief
Summary: I DO NOT OWN ANY ROOKIE BLUE CHARACTERS. This is my take of the Holly/Gail reconciliation, combining with it my favorite Gail factoid. "I have certain standards for myself and I expect nothing but the best but my mother expects more. She had three rules: Always remember who you are. Work harder than everyone else. Dont screw up."


**I DO NOT OWN ANY ROOKIE BLUE CHARACTERS.**

**This is my take of the Holly/Gail reconciliation, combining with it my favorite Gail factoid.**

**Enjoy. And any of you following my other two stories, ANYTHING BUT EMPTY (BRAVE) and IT'S NOW A SPECTATOR SPORT, I have not forgotten them, I have just been busy and have some difficulty writing them, but it's summer in NYC, the juices are flowing, unlike the AC...haha.**

Reviews equal love(; even if it's hate.

**xxJes**

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She walked up to the door and knocked, her dress blues usually gave her confidence, a sense of purpose but today they were just a reminder of all of her failings and a weight she needed to get off. So she was here, waiting for the door to open.

Once it did the look of shock on the homeowners face was only calmed by reading the nervous determination that was written on the blondes'. Ushering her in was all she was able to do before the sharply dressed, nervous blonde began speaking what sounded like a rehearsed but impromptu speech.

"I have said this once before to someone, but I have certain standards for myself and I expect nothing but the best but my mother expects more. She has three rules: Always remember who you are. Work harder than everyone else. Don't screw up.

You see, It's not customary for police to attend the funerals of victims of crimes, because in our line of work we would be going to them more often than not, especially if you happen to work in homicide, but you already know that. Anyway, I found myself standing in the back of a cemetery today keeping an eye on a little girl, Sophie, as she clung to her aunt's side. Tears streaming down her face, dressed in all black as she watched her mother being lowered into the ground. For some reason as I stood there in my dress blues, to pay my respect to a woman I couldnt save, I couldnt get **you** out of my mind.

No matter what I do, I have let everyone down. To begin with I have broken all the rules my mother ingrained in me since infancy.

I dont know who I am anymore. Not if you arent with me, not if I cant do the one thing I have trained my entire life for well, not if people don't trust me to be good at it and to be me and how can I be me if I don't know who me is?

The harder, longer I work the more I mess up, the more exhaused I get and the worse I become. No one seems to get the work I put into this job, into my relationships, with you, with my friends. I am still the cold, unfeeling daughter of the superintendent to everyone. It doesn't matter how hard I work.

AND I HAVE SCREWED UP. I FAILED. IVE FAILED in so many ways."

The finely tuned speech had finally deteriorated into incoherent sobs as Gail paced in front of Holly wringing her hands. All Holly could do was watch and listen to her until she got everything out. She deserved that much. After everything that had happened between them, it was the least she could do, let her speak. But now was the time to intervene. Gail was still pacing and Holly gently grabbed her by the arms and just made her stop. She needed to stop, breathe and look her in the eye.

"Firstly, you are more than a cop, and you are more than us. You are Gail, a smart, strong, wise, kind, funny, snarky, woman, who can rock a killer dress and heels yet the next day kill it in the best boots and jeans Ive ever seen. No one can compare to the multitude of complexities that are you.

B, you do work harder than anyone I've ever met, and I have a PhD, therefore I know others who have PhDs. None of them work as hard as you when it comes to things that they are passionate about. Gail, when you care, when youre invested you give it your all, everytime. No wonder you are exhausted. You are stretched thin. You love too hard and you get hit even harder because of it. If they dont see that at work then they arent very good at their jobs or they are just too absorbed in their own shit to see what is going on.

And three: to fail means you have stopped trying, it means you have given up. Have you given up?"

It was the first time Holly took a breath. She hadnt let her eyes leave Gail's since she began speaking because she wanted to let her know that she was going to finish without any interuptions but now she was looking for a response.

"Well, Gail? Are you giving up?"

"No." The voice was soft but strong. The blonde was still trying to process all the rules she'd had memorized her whole life that had just now been flipped on their heads.

"Okay, because either way you havent failed. You didnt screw up when it came to Sophie and her mother and you havent screwed up when it came to us. That was me. I am the one who screwed up, who failed you. I dont even know why you thought to come here. Why I was the one you wanted to see. I am glad you did but i have done nothing to deserve you to come back here."

That was when it was Gail's turn to calm Holly down. In a reverse of postions, Gail placed her hands on Holly's upper arms, rubbing up and down, just trying to calm her and giving her a moment to pause and breathe just as she did for her after her speech/rant. It was comforting for both of them, to be in the space together, with only their breaths filling up the spaces of silence.

"Holly."

I was the first time she had said her name since she had been there. Since they had seen each other. It was the first time that Holly had heard her name from that voice in so long. It felt like a new name coming from her lips. A name she actually liked. A name that wasnt just one that described that thorny green holiday plant. She liked how she said it.

"Holly. I came back because I never gave you a chance to explain and because it's you. Because even though all this started, these low parts, the only person I want to talk about it with is you, even if it started because of you. And Im sorry. Im sorry I ran. Im sorry I did what I told you I always do. Thats no excuse. I shouldnt have ru..."

A hand stopped her from speaking. Right over her mouth, the same move she has pulled many times to get Chris and Dov to shut up. Gail's eyes went wide as she looked down at the olive skinned hand covering her mouth. A small smirk started to grow on the hand owner's face as she moved the hand to bring the face it was on closer to hers until lips met lips. The hand was still under Gail's chin gently keeping her close to Holly. The kiss was short and soft but full of promise.

"Im sorry you just had to stop talking" was all Holly could get out before she fell into a fit of giggles.

Two could play at this came, in fact, Gail invented this game, and she sure as hell wasnt going to lose to her. So she grabbed and kissed her to get her to stopped giggling.


End file.
